TOPIC:

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

Ah Mr. Bean, funny stuff!! Here's one from the most interesting man in the world!!

More reasons why Chuck Norris is better than you

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris does not dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
If Chuck Norris ever got caught for speeding, he'd let the cops off with a warning.
Some people wear Superman pyjamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas.
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his own hands.
Chuck Norris can get blackjack with one card
Only Chuck Norris knows the true end of the movie Inception
The war with Japan would have ended sooner, but the allies decided that dropping Chuck Norris on Hiroshima would be a crime against humanity.
Chuck Norris walked right into Area 51, bought a Snapple, and walked out. No one dared to move.
Chuck Norris has never worn glasses in his life. If he can't see it, then it doesn't exist.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
When Chuck Norris looks at himself at a mirror, there is no reflection. There can only be one Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris cannot fly. He just jumps and chooses when to come down.
Chuck Norris hears sign language
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris was born on February 30th.
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

hazelriannon wrote: a whole movie, but these guys are genius subversives, everything they do is both hilarious and shines a light into the dark. anything by The Yes Men on youtube

Brilliant they punked Dow

This one's just for you Dr. James

What's the shortest book in the world?
Ethics in journalism

I thought it was Gilead's
"Ethical Standards Guide".

With a tip of the hat to Vororo!