Hi I haven't been much on forum recently - my habituated response to excessive work demands and emotional pain has been to retreat into poor and/or over eating, escapist reading and sleeping, if I can. I have this week lost yet another dear friend, to this dreadful disease. However its time I finally put my case to forum.
I commenced sofosbuvir/daclatasvir treatment on November 20 - but not without some difficulty. I received the meds when I also read of some adverse, even fatal, treatment events – I “froze". The incidents were few, usually within the first four weeks & likely not caused by the meds - with patients like myself - advanced with the disease (B&C child-pugh).
With a Meld score of 11-12, this information threw me into a dilemma. Since 2011 following decompensation from a coma/ICU delirium experience I have been focused on accessing IFN free treatment. I never considered the risk. Now with the dac/sof in my hands I thought “what if this sends me into liver failure. Will it become evident gradually so that I have time to cease the meds OR will my liver silently go into overdrive, then collapse. ”. I questioned whether I risk narrowing my longevity to a matter of weeks – or refuse the meds and maybe buy myself a little longer. To any reader, this may seem ludicrous – but it is how I felt. I am aware that the 2011 ICU trauma still affects my confrontation with any medical prospect.
I finally discussed this dilemma with Dr Freeman. We are very fortunate to have such a competent and compassionate physician so dedicated to both the HCV cause and our forum members.
I took the meds & two days before Christmas my bloods indicated I was still detected but with a PCR under 15 (previously 805,000). I have had some side effects nausea, fatigue, insomnia a few headaches and indigestion – nothing dramatic. I have had days where I have felt uncommon exhilaration; but frequently weary. I have felt particularly poorly in the last two weeks and don’t know how much this is attributable to the recent dietary lapses; already mentioned - or the Meds. Today I have some ascites (distended belly/midriff & discomfort), my weight has increased. I woke with a few small forearm “spots” where the blood has seeped to the skin surface – one like rash - the others more a “bruise”. I decided to wait till tomorrow, & if more symptoms - I will have FBC/ EFT bloods (albumin, INR, platelets) checked & consult whoever is available on GP2U.
However tonight I find myself “freezing” again – not sure whether it is a good idea to take my meds. Don’t want fluids shifting from their vessels into bodily tissue or cavities where it doesn’t belong. I have re-commenced a completely salt free diet today & eaten small amounts. Should todays symptoms be solely attributable to a dietary lapse I am re-stabilising - but if it is a function of the meds – then I doubt I should be taking more. I am one hour past my dose time and prevaricating - It seems I am not yet free of the apprehension which initially delayed my treatment for a week.
I was reluctant to share this story; and my vulnerability ... but this phenomena is universal and we learn this from our own and others' experiences. Why are we sometimes afraid ???? – sometimes it is a simple response to a perceived threat - and/or its memory - past trauma can certainly mess with one’s head. .