Recently I wrote a thread on this forum named "Life outside the HCV cage" with the aim to share how I felt before tx and after tx. Having achieved SVR12 is indeed a wonderful thing, however the way I expressed at that time my joy of being free of HCV made me have second thoughts and saw myself as being a .... a kind of bad person.
I questioned whether someone seeking help to get rid of HCV would really be interested to know that I feel good as long as he/she has not yet fixed it? Thus I asked the moderators to erase that thread.
I continued however to think on "how come was I then able to fix my issue"?
And the thought flew to my doctor in Romania. A person I know for many years, being friendly with me despite the lack of time and despite the lack of a "mean" (i.e. effective cure) that I could get. I have to add here that even though he was seeking to help me, I had moments of time when I thought differently about him (too busy for me, being a liar by delivering me promises which cannot be met, not caring, sometimes I was blaming him - in my mind- for the fact I cannot access the treatment. etc.).
In my rage of not being "free" from HCV I started to see him as a bad guy. And started to fear that perhaps he is a hidden person, willing to see me ... perhaps "dead"? rather than to help me. I also had moments of time when I thought that he will yell at me if I will ask (again) about the treatment. In short, I started to feel I was a victim and that he was an opressor. In this way it was easier for me to accept to have the virus in me and that there was nothing to be done about it.
So, you might ask yourself, how come I continued to be his patient and how come I asked for his help?
Something did happen, more or less conscious, but in my mind.
At the moment I found out that I could have a chance to get cured (for those who do not know my story, I received this news by making a phone call to a doctor of a friend from abroad, living in a developed European country) I started to think how I could approach my doctor.
And at that time I was quite worry, because..... I was seeing him as an oppressor and the question was "how do you deal with an oppressor?". The answer was quite simple: "with proofs, with evidences, with solid evidences" that cannot be denied.
So I started to investigate more about the generic drugs. Greg Jefferys blogs, Fixhepc, other blogs, articles in news, etc. I engaged in discussion with Greg and also with dr. Freeman.
The more I read and discussed, the more I was becoming informed about the overall HCV situation. In parallel with all these thoughts, one other thought came into my mind: "Having invested so much energy and researched so much time about the generics, knowing the political & financial issues that the patent system raises, could it be that my doctor simply does not know too much about the generics drugs or could it be that he is having some strict rules which do not allow him to talk too much about these drugs? And.... could it be that he is indeed a good person, willing indeed to help me? ".
That was the question that made me think that I should discuss and consider him first as a person and to have a break in thinking on him as being an "oppressive doctor".
The moment I considered him as a person was the moment I realized how I should discuss with him: open, bringing forward the material I collected about HCV generic drugs and .... to ask for his help (and not for his approval or merci or whatever).
I was prepared that in case he will reject me (remember I was seeing him more or less as a kind of oppressor), I would go see another doctor.
The end of this story: thinking on my doctor as being a person worked. Extremely good I would say: he had a look at the documents I had prepared, analyzed it, we disccused about risks, the receipt I needed and later on he monitored me. So in the end, it proved he was a person, a human and a doctor.
Even though we keep a professional relationship "doctor-patient", I consider now my doctor as being first my friend and secondly my doctor.
And one last thought: in the moment I choosed to no longer think on my doctor as being an opresor was the moment when I felt more freedom and I felt I had real options to get cured. And so I decided easier to proceed to get treated with generics. And I guess that was the moment when I made my way out of the HCV cage.
So for whom ever wants to be free of HCV, to exit the cage of HCV, maybe it worth looking around for real people/persons who are in fact willing to help you. Like my doctor was. And for sure there are others too.
A warm thank you to my doctor,
(And to dr. Freeman and all of you here who are sharing your stories and advices in order to help others).