Yes I am looking forward to start of treatment, fingers crossed it will be shipped tomorrow, worried while waiting. Trying to figure out whether part with some money and have abdominal ultrasound asap or try to get it on the NHS, tough call

I think it is a symptom of a situation in which loss of control is mixed with physical vulnerability. In my case a huge fear for my career is in mix as well , my heart sinks every time I see a letter that I do not know where it comes from or a caller ID which is unknown.
I had a massive trauma 20 years ago and after that one I could not watch TV at all first as everything was just too stressful. The next boot of vulnerability happened after I had my daughter. I remember being in a hospital, coming across an article in a nespaper about indian woman that was beaten so badly for fiving birth to a girl instead of a boy that she was unconscious for a while and her baby died because she could not look after her. I dissolved in tears at reading it and until now when I remember that article Ibstart crying. Do not think it all was hep c related..

Written you an email.
Off to play squash now
When I am doing mundane activities like sports , parents evenings , movies watching , dancing I forget life is finite ..

Morning London girl
Did they know at work you were ill?
Do you have good support network in real life?

Thank you all
Just to clarify – treating it is the only option I have considered. It just is s scary thing to face – loosing one’s eyesight.
I understand about forums from which people who put the issue behind them move on. Exactly 12 years ago(there must be something about that Chinese zodiacal 13 year cycle !) I was diagnosed with cancer of stage 3 being single mother of 2 yo child, no savings and no right to public funds (could get medical help for free though). I swear it was easier for me back then! Or may be I forgotten just how bad it was… I digress – so back then I been on the forum of fellow unlucky ones for quite a few years. Then they changed something with the website so I could not log in with my username so I never got back and stopped replying questions , suggesting options and giving hope that that fully functional happy survival for many years is there.
Thank you again for your kind words , I guess you all been in similar situation , I been sobbing for the last couple of hours(a very unpleasant phone call re possible other job for me to do was the last straw) and that with me being ” as hard as nails” and ” as determined as a train” does not happen often so sympathetic ears are very appreciated.